WOW, I've been away a long time!

Where to start..........these last couple years have been filled with ups and downs for sure......so much........most recently I lost my dad to a motorcycle accident.
On July 5, 2010 he was on his way home from a day of riding (and drinking), he was @ 3 miles from his house.....he veered off the road and hit a tree, he was killed immediately. My family and I, on our way to dinner, drove upon the scene. The police turned us around and I called my brother, who is a vol w/ the fire dept to see if he could find out what was going on. I got a call 30 minutes later to come back, it is 'pops'.

This last month has been a huge struggle for me. Dad and I, by no means, had a good relationship. Many years ago, he chose his drinking over his kids and grandkids. I have seen him from time to time at birthdays or in the store and we'd speak but that was about the extent.
I don't possibly see how things could have been any different between us. I spaced myself and my kids from him to avoid the drama that came with his drinking. He had a nasty abusive side when he drank just the right amount. I couldn't chance that with my kids. I grew up with it and didn't see any reason why they should have to see that. But what I failed to remember is that he also had a goofy, fun loving side and he would give you the shirt off his back if needed. I forgot about my kids getting to know that side.....me forgetting how much I loved that side of him.
So now I'm left with the what ifs and the whys of it all........which mean NOTHING now.....but I can't help thinking......it just won't stop......

I'm getting married!!

I'm getting MMMAAAARRRIIIEEEDDDD!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!

Back to the subject of the ASSHOLE :-D

He called me last week. Said I had probably noticed he hadn't been paying all his child support (DUH! ya think?!?!?). Wanted to know if I'd work something out with him so that he'd be paying @ $200-$240 less a month. UMMMMMMMM, let me think about it, NO! He kept throwing out all these reasons why HE thought he should be paying less. Whined because when he DOES get the boys that he can't even afford to eat dinner with them because he is broke, so I said well IF they were ALLOWED at your house you could take them there for a sandwich HUH??!?! Funny, he didn't have a response for that. :-D I said thats fine, you want something changed TAKE>ME>TO>COURT!!!! (he won't tho because he knows they'll RAISE it on him>like they did the last time he took me< AND he'll get in trouble for already being behind :-D)
I told him when he decided to be a REAL father and not treat his kids 2nd best to THE BITCH! I would consider being nice to him and try to work something out so that he could get caught up on his child support............BUT until then, he can carry on or take me to court. Needless to say, he hasn't called to see the boys, he usually gets them on every other Mon night to take Z to soccer practice (that is his whole visitation, taking him to soccer practice).
Gee, I must say I'm NOT shocked........I doubt I'll see another check anytime soon either.
Thats fine, he can keep digging his hole and when I take HIM to court it'll be sooooo much fun :-D

Rocco for Shangie ;-)

Here's the 'baby' u requested :) 9 1/2 months old, weighing in @ 105.
Look at the little carrier behind him on the floor.......thats what I used to bring him to work in!!!! I miss him being little :-/

THE ROCKMONSTER

ASSHOLES

Just came from another blog speaking about her X...........which brings me to this.

What makes some men (NOT all--I know there are great divorced dads out there, I'm dating one!) feel that they don't need to/ shouldn't have to/ could care less about taking care of their kids and making sure they have what they need?

My X pays child support when he feels like and pays how ever much he feels like paying. He is currently @ $3000 behind. He knows I don't have the $$ to get a lawyer and take his sorry ass to court.

On top of not doing right by the $$$, he rarely sees the kids, which doesn't matter to me. He's an ass and the less time they spend with him the better. My point is HOW is it he doesn't care and puts his 'fiance' ahead of his kids? They aren't allowed at his (HER) house because she doesn't like them. THey haven't been over there (except for an hour on Christmas) in almost a year. He gets them every 2-3 weeks for a couple hours.
It just baffles my mind!!

and then she reappeared!

Oh my, its been tooooo long since I've posted! I've been beyond stressed for weeks now and it looks like my troubles 'may' be slowly coming to an end now. I really don't want to post the details, but trust me when I say its been BAD and has stressed more than I thought was even possible.

But here we are and its looking like its all coming to an end and I can be back to normal :-)
McDreamy and I are doing great, I couldn't be happier if I dreamed it all in fantasy world :-P Still talking of getting married, not sure tho when thats going to happen. All I know is this is where I want to be and we are so perfect together. Every nut deserves another, right?? lol

The kids are good. Z is a typical teenager who is currently in luuuuuv. Lord, help me!! and thank Gawd we have unlimited texting and free nights and weekends. Otherwise, that kid would be working off hundreds of $$ worth of cell phone use!

Rocco is now 9 mos old and weighing in at 100#. We are currently in training classes because he is a total ASS! But we're working on it and he's getting better. All the other dogs are fine, all healthy and happy.

I think that covers things for right this second. Yell at me if I missed something or you're just curious about something I left off!

c-ya!

For my own amusement

I posted this on my son's MySpace (Thank you so much Syd!!!!)



I wonder how long it will take him to remove it.............
ahhhhh, the fun of harassing your kids :-D

The funeral

It was a nice service, I didn't completely melt down like at the viewing....but I had my moments....like whenever someone hugged me or spoke to me...... :-/ It seems I can hold myself together very well as long as I am left alone..... otherwise I'm going to just spew.......
Anyway! Made it through the funeral and the family asked for us to come over to their house, so I went home and got the boys when they got out of school and took them out there. The family was so thrilled to see them and when we left his mother literally begged me, in tears, to please let them see the boys again.........BROKE.MY.HEART!!!!! and of course I don't mind!! I've always loved and adored Jason's family......and they have always treated my kids just like they were their own.....I think it is a blessing that the two families can come back together. I am extremely grateful for this part of it..

So I went....

to the viewing last night and had a complete and total breakdown. When I walked in the funeral home and saw his name on the sign I just lost it. Once I got inside and actually saw him and the family I just went into total meltdown. It was real, he was really dead. I sat on the pew and cried/sobbed/hyperventilated for almost an hour straight. Many of his family came over and hugged me and spoke to me...I was grateful for that because I really didn't know how I would be greeted. Of course everyone was thrilled to see the kids. They thanked me many times for bringing them.
I'm going to go to the funeral this afternoon and try NOT to make such a scene.......I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm just in shock.......

I got a call at 12:28 pm on Friday that X2, Jason, had been found dead in his home (most probably an overdose of some kind). They couldn't find any numbers for his family so called me to see if I could help them get in touch with them. I couldn't believe it! Its sinking in slowly.
I went over to his house Fri late afternoon and got his dogs.....they had been cooped up in the house with him the whole time.
His parents were so pitiful, it ripped my heart out to think of what they were going through.......
The viewing is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow......I'm torn on whether or not to go......the kids want to go......should X's go to their funerals?? I don't know what to do............we had gotten to a point where we were friendly toward one another and could talk and get along......but I don't know who all knows that, as far as his family and friends.........I don't want to be uncomfortable and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by being there..........
I just don't know......I guess I'll figure it out soon......

This is just WRONG! on so many levels!!!

got tagged (on MySpace)

I got tagged on MySpace and figured since I haven't posted here in awhile that I'd copy it here too :-P

Here's how you play: Once you've been tagged you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself , at the end choose 10 people to be tagged, list their names and why you tagged them. Don't forget to leave them a comment saying '(You're It!) and to go read your blog. You can not tag the person that tagged you so since you can't tag me back let me know when you are done so that I can go read YOUR blog answers.

1. I'm a tad OCD. A trip to WalMart or the grocery store with me is a nightmare.....just ask Brad :-P

2. I can NOT stand for the food on my plate to touch.

3. I have a strict system for loading the dishwasher (see 1 lol)

4. I am happier right now than I have ever been in my entire life.

5. I'm a sucker for a pit bull or rottweiler

6. I LOVE Italian food.

7. My kids drive me crazy while making me laugh at the same time :-P

8. I love to give, whether it be time, money or gifts.......I'm uncomfortable 'receiving'

9. I work with alternative medical equipment. When i came to work here I thought it was a load of BS, now I feel the opposite. I have seen miraculous results for terminal illnesses and I am amazed everyday.

10. I have a pretty dry sense of humor.


I'm not tagging anyone because I'm lazy like that but if you want to play please do! and send me a comment letting me know you did!!

Human Tetris

I love me some game shows from Japan lol

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=1366142&cache=1#
(sorry, I forgot how to direct link :-/ I don't blog like I used to)

the happenings of late.......

I've meant to blog so many times and had alot to bitch about :-P and now I've forgotten half of it.......

but lets start with the misery of attending McDreamy's son's bday party last weekend :-/ I think I've covered before that his X hates me (and just for the record I could cut her throat at anytime and never feel bad about it :). Well, several weeks ago she wanted us to keep her OTHER son (McDreamy's X step-son!!!) so that she could meet up with some guy she met online for the weekend.........I said not no but HELL NO :) as you can imagine this pissed her off royally.......and she banned me, my kids and my family for attending P's bday party and pitched a big ole fit about all kinds of shit. You can imagine the BS she filled the kids heads with :) (may I also note here the she is one of the meanest, nastiest deceitful bitches I've ever met :)
ANYWAY, she decided the next week that she was over her temper tantrum and me and mine were invited again........and now I know why.......to make me feel like I belonged anywhere in the world but there........mission accomplished.

I resigned from the rescue..........I still have the foster dogs and will continue to rescue but now without all of the personal BS that goes along with being a part of an organization of volunteers :-D

hhmmm, I know there is more to report........but I just don't seem to recall what it is...........oh well, I've posted finally

Peace out :)

Growing like a weed......

Mr Rocco will be 16 weeks old Saturday.......he weighs @ 30 #'s........he's smart as a whip and stubborn as an ox! lol